my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Im part way to drunk.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
