Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize