my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
