Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
it glows. i had to have it.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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