How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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