Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
