You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
