I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
