I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
