It's like God shit irony all over that family
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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