Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
