I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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