i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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