Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
