No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
