We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
