it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
