I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
