the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
