on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
If I die, sorry about rent.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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