Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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