why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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