I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
