He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
