i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
