I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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