How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
