my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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