last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
