It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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