guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
