And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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