hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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