Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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