so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
