This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
