He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
