I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
i need some magic done to my vagina
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
