i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
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He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
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Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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