definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
