I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Randomize
