You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
