no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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