I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
