Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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