a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
