Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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