I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
