My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
