Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
