Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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