well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize