I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
