so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
