That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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