Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
