go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
