My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
