she woke up with a sticky ear
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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