the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
