Got a toothbrush?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
