I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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