Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
