man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
