I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
only you would photoshop your dick
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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