I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
