I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
