cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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