Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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