I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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