How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
