One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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