dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize