eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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