I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
