Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
