First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
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