The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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