dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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