How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
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