Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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